 Source and artist unknown The InvitationIt's time to retire the word lazy. Better yet, let us divest in full from the role of shaming in all equity work. Public and private shaming may, for a moment, satisfy an itch to exert superiority (justified or otherwise). But while both good and bad elements exist, the bad far outweighs the good: Does shaming truly lead to healthy, lasting changes of behavior and thought? What happens to us when we are made to be ashamed of our very personhood (or our very organization...)? From this day forward, we, People of the Free World, shall not be shamed for existing in our bodies, guided by our conscience and ethical frameworks. Nor shall we shame others for the time needed to process, plan, and to heal. So no, no more talk of "lazy", "not up to standard"...Instead, we invite you to gently recover from the hangover known as shame and to blossom forth nurtured, accepted, and seen. That's Equity.  Carrie Mae Weems, "Kitchen Table Series" The LearningWe began as we always do, by invoking our birthright to be connected to each other and the earth and to seek answers through the best of examples: The natural world itself. Nature does not judge creation as ugly, as useless and neither must we judge in destructive ways. We seek new definitions and differentiate between shame / feeling ashamed / justice, and recognize the destructive nature of this imbalance of power, in the name of redirecting energy. To remedy this destructive practice without negating the underlying need we ask, “What is the opposite of shame?” Here is our story of: Triumph, Authenticity, Compassion, Confidence, Acceptance, Love, Empathy, Liberation as told in real time.
No one can deny that shame is intrinsic to defining and upholding white supremacy as taught to us as children, internalized and reinforced throughout our lives. But at the root, at the source of shame is trauma passed along from generation to generation. It’s literally killing us, and each other. Now, at this very moment we stop and question, “Why?” and then “Why?” again and again and again until…We reach the inner, mini-mind shrine, dedicated to the ghost of past, present, and future internalized inferiority hiding in plain sight. And we lay down our offerings to ease the weight and let it go. On the pilgrimage to this permanent place of forced humility, we pass through the chorus of the “Itty Bitty Shitty Committee” who insists on whispering in agreement with our oppressors at every turn. We push through them anyways, and yet must stop and pause in front of, “I’m ashamed to be an American,” long enough to glance down to make sure our humanity is still intact and our course correct. It is. Compassion is ever present. This work of compassion and humanity is hard work and may it never be worthy of criticism. Specifically, criticism in the form of shame is always a weapon but our shields grow stronger with knowledge and love of self. We crave the enjoyment of our own successes as recognized in full by others; for others to love us as we ought to love ourselves. And in this exchange of valuations, we invite grace by inventing words like, “safe space”, “inclusion”, “welcoming”. But, Lo! We find ourselves re-strategizing in the face of the oppressor masterfully weaponizing the very language of love that we ourselves created! “That’s not what safe space means, Bob.” We must prepare yet again to find our way to the higher road in even more authentic and powerful ways. So we ask, “What does it look like the next time shaming appears?” We made a cheat sheet, to be applied in no particular order other than the right one. Read slowly.
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