These last few years felt like they deserved their own names and who am I to not oblige? 2022 was the Year of Timing (aka The Year of Rhythm), and last year told me that 2023 needs to be all about me: Me time, me shine...I was like, "Whoa," because even now, with five month's practice, it still got that layer of self-centered, sticky ego taste. But why? 
Why hide our jewels from the world, especially when others helped with our mining, gem selection, cut, and a pristine polish? We must know how to celebrate each other, and why. So why not practice telling each other the specifics (aka "Buy my mixtape!"). Full stop. When we make good work, especially with the assistance of so many, it must be shared. Equity shares what is good and that tastes waaaay better than "self-centered". This is my work for 2023: Balancing my desire for humility with my command to share what is good.
Since November 2019: Hundreds attended the monthly circles, dozens contributed to the creation of the very first community created and evaluated equity assessment tool and process with proven success (orgs anonymous), supported contractors with $200/hour work on their own time, and a colleagues who showed me love and support with their ear, shoulder, time, and expertise. So shiny!
Here, promoting my "Self" actually means "Us".  And look at what we've built, it's the future and we've rebalanced it to prepare for us all. Welcome. That's Equity.


- Julia Ismael, Head Architect of Aspirations
Julia@TheEquityConsortium.com

​Some call our new relationship with work "The Great Resignation". It seems that we're not all that eager to return to the J.O.B. but instead find ourselves exploring both the hustle, and the very role of labor work itself. This month, we take a look at how we got here - wage labor has its own interesting story with its own beginning...As the means by which to acquire money evolve, the intrinsic value of money itself must also change. Money can make money now- not time or skill - so where does that leave the value of labor? And who's labor? Recently I've read the meme, "What's your dream job?"
"I don't dream of labor," as a response hits hard. We must recognize the prominent role capitalism/money plays in how we experience equity. It feels like it's a good time we redefine the nature of work, its value, and role of work in our lives. Join us. 
August 15, 2022 Learning by Julia
​It begins as it always could, with an acknowledgement of this land, our connection to it and each other. And, from this earth we learn many lessons but that night, we remembered how nature does its work, our work. Natural things don't work when the time for rest is needed or when the need to work is satisfied. Are we doing that? Is that reflected in our modern history of how we sustain life for self and others? How we manifest ideas? Practice craftsmanship? And for my craft as circlekeeper, we begin our circle.
I asked, "If work was fulfilling and recognized your humanity, what is YOUR ideal time for work and why? Daily, weekly, monthly, annual...)?" And from the gate, we asked the world: Why is work and life defined separately to begin with? We've come to a point where work is dangerously close to defining us, our very personhood without consent. Now, we learn to refuse when that definition doesn't encompass our entirety, our purpose. We are told and taught that work is to make money, to gain power. That to be valuable means to be indispensable. We know these ideals are not full and do not represent our ways of life. What good is money if I can't have time to spend it with those who love me. [Period.] What is power when I don't care about right and wrong. [Period.] And, we all deserve rest, knowing our work won't fall apart in our absence. And for this freedom to find value in balance, we reclaim our rights to mental health and reinvigorate our ability to take risks in finding joy. We resist the temptations of endless greed and ego.
Instead, we strive to find meaning and connection in the belly of all the beasts. Once inside, we embrace roles of caring supporter, of creative innovator, champion of humanity. And, especially for Black women, those roles are too often misunderstood and devalued. [Listen to us!] What better motivation than to find alternative avenues of sustenance? We crave satisfaction and have no more room for trauma. But how, how to step out on faith? Well, we have each other.
And we’re here for alladat. We have resources both institutional and of the cry/lean on shoulder: we will find a way. We value more than just money, power, we have a whole other set of values not yet recognized. We are a community. With this, we pause for a break and return to answer, "If money doesn't adequately represent value, what does? What are our alternative values?" After a brief rest, we returned with answers.
Flow of energy, the "I'm the perfect person to be I'm doing what I'm doing in this moment" has value. We take sabbaticals and not call it unemployment because we value the time relationships require. We honor those who clean the home for our peace of mind and grow and cook food for our nourishment. We value mental health, breathing,  and we respect grace. We recognize value in intellectual property - our product and service is ours. And real talk: No work requires more than 4-5 hours a day because we value life over ego and have nothing to prove. 
We strive to love our work, to find meaning and definition even in the belly of the beast. We do our work out of love for self, family, and community and we WILL remember what it feels like to be satisfied.

The pandemic and quarantine gave us two plus years to pause, feel, protest, propose, and demand. Now, we look at collective progress. At this point, with all the learning since 2020, we ought to know better ways. Yet, change loses urgency with time and powers-that-be insist on reverting back to the status quo at every conceivable opportunity. Now, we find ourselves again at a crossroads (our very first circle in October 2020 was same named): How to incorporate our Covid-era learning? Let's explore the options together. 
​July 11, 2022 Learning by Julia
After a month away, we begin again with acknowledging our connection to this land, and its ways of seeking that which nourishes life given any option. Nature cooperates, makes bold moves, destroys to grow, and choses with intuition. At this turning point in human history, we experienced time in quarantine with emotion, solutions, and frustration as well as inspiration. We pause to look at results, and question "originality" when contemplating adjusting strategies. Nothing is new, but much can be improved.  Given the unique nature, we ask the most general question: "What about the theme that brought you here tonight?" An honest way to truly ask, "And how are you doing?"
We go around, and with each story we seek commonality. We say things like, "I thought I was further along," when thinking of our own role. Then ask, "How to walk in love?" We acknowledge things that are working, such as working under the leadership of Black women. That feels good, even together in the belly of the beast. We listen not only for commonality, but to hear what is outside of us. We listen at this crossroad.
And we hear that at a certain age, we feel a calling to bloom where we plant even though stretching hurts. Everyone can want to blend in, take the quiet and easy road, but someone's gotta do the work; someone must lead and who better than those who know. 
As we get to know our own selves in new places, we come to terms with the fact that we're tired. The word "lazy" needs a re-branding because even though we can do all that our ancestors couldn't, doesn't mean we must do everything all the time. We're tired. And sometimes we need to hear our own selves say it. Say what we need to hear. 
After a brief break, we return to ask our second question, "What do you need to tell yourself moving forward?" We say: Loving is enough. I have everything I need in me. Rest is good, I have choice. Let others see me without condition. This month, we present, "The New Nature of Work". Stay in tune.

Maud Vantour, paper. Image: solid white on the top and each underlying layer a vivid color. the monotony of the straight line gives way to an eruption of peek-a-boo colors until the bottom last layer of black. Source: https://www.demilked.com/layered-paper-art-maud-vantours/ Artist website: https://maudvantours.com/portfolio-item/oscillations/

​According to Us, enough information and resources exist in this digital and tangible world to understand equity. The time for explanation of what should be happening and why has passed and now we raise the bar. RIP, DEI. We walk into any room and expect equity as a default in all practices. Knowing what we know, we go further and explore the dance of personal learning of equitable practice and organizing: What needs to already be known, and what can we learn together? What must be counted to hold accountable? If you don't know, now you know: We raising the bar(n). Join us, tools provided. 
June 9, 2022 Learning by Julia
We begin with our land acknowledgment - how the natural world anticipates and adapts, and human beings are highly capable of planning our own spiritual evolution. We dedicate our collective learning to "That Person", the one who challenges your love of self, and tests patience like no other. If not for you, we would not be here! What happens to That Person when we tell the truth, use emotions to convey importance? Too often we face fallout: From full blown tantrums and quitting, to conflict avoidance or expectation of comfort. Equity work requires two lanes: The professional and the personal. At work we raise the bar - focusing on the institutionalization of equity. Thus, we begin our circle with the question, "How do you prepare, or want to be told how to prepare, for when That Person openly refuses to acknowledge 'The Bar'?"
First, we recognize the pace. When challenged, we intentionally manage to not talk fast and demand freely, "I need a moment to process what you're saying." We also come almost over-prepared expecting a presumed incompetence so we first gather all knowledge and facts. Their tired playbook forces us to lose our temper with the bullshit so our words (and knowledge) get lost in the sauce. Part of that knowledge, how we prepare, is to know that we shall make enemies in a righteous way. 
For some, the thought of needing to prepare for identity-based conflict is novel and for others the state of preparation is default. Those with lived experience of race/gender-based privileges, first acknowledge oneself as the one who "makes it up" and "get in [our] own way". Focus on raising one's own bar, and know love looks like accountability. 
For others without those privileges, we pick our friends (or choose solitude) with care because we never signed up to be a part of That Person's learning. It's possible to surround ourselves with 'Not That Person' but to be prepared for the unexpected. A casual chat about the lovely trees can turn into a debate around police homicides in a snap of the fingers. Always be prepared. But how? We must know at that moment, "I'm doing me better than you are doing you." We have end goals with our work and advocacy, and we look out for each other in the process. We love our differences and together chant, "Go through it to get to it." And, sometimes we choose not to, simply for our own sanity (aka self love).
We end with affirmation. The weight of enslavement, history of Jim Crow does not stop us from getting up every day; our ancestors need us free. We live unapologetically, lead full lives outside of our advocacy roles, and we no longer smile out of a reflex to comfort but only with sincerity because we know its value. We smile because we can, and because we were born free. It's time to raise the bar so others understand the value of our smile of satisfaction, or stand to the side. 
What comes next? We took the month of May off and return June 28th with a start-at-the-beginning circle, "At Another Crossroad". Stay in tune.

After decades of learning new terminology, scholarly work, attending workshops, completing surveys, and checking mandatory boxes, the change we demand has yet to be institutionalized. On every imaginable metric, progress remains elusive. Why?! At a certain point, cognitive dissonance applies - how many more decades must we try the same approach yielding the same results? The current structure leaves organizations defining their own ailment and specialist: Power. Equity advocates and professionals suffer from the "one-soldier-at-a-time" approach (isolation), presumption of incompetence, and too often leaving the battlefield wounded and alone: No power. The time has arrived: we must rebalance power and re-define strategies that result in substantive change.
How do we re-balance power to the hands of those with compassion? How do we move beyond theory and words into practice and process, and do so joyfully? Join us as we celebrate what we know, and the birth of the Future of Equity. You are not alone. 
March 29, 2022 Learning by Julia
Before continuing full speed ahead with DEI as it currently exists, we take a knee. First, we acknowledge water: we call them the seven seas but in actuality, they are one. It's a matter of perspective and convenience, and so is advocating for equity. We call upon Zora Neale Hurston's recount of High John the Conqueror: no matter where we suffer, at our depth of sorrow he brings us laughter and song. How? Because we know our capability. And, we laugh because others don't know and it's time they did. 
Beginning the circle we ask in turn, "Re-reading the description [above], what brought you here tonight? What did you want to hear said or say yourself?" We are furious, and many times fully ready to shake / slap / punch some sense into the next...Performative Ally, Conveniently Ignorant, BLM T-shirt Wearing, Buzzword Slinging, Privileged, Secret Supremacist who dares impede progress with their know-nothing selves. 
But, we don't. We could, but we chose love. We slog on, feeling caught in the middle, trying to feel included, and say things like, "I don't want to say I've given up hope," with a full stop. The change we usher shall not be rooted in fear, and no amount of money shall placate mediocrity in equitable practice. We are Practitioners, we activate and practice equity. It's an everyday rehearsal to overcome our childlike masculinity, to be the first to pause and say, "Is this ever gonna work? That's not how Equity is done." We're not interested in changing the current system. We're building a new one.
We break, drink the water of life, and return to say that self-governance holds our keys, the designated driver while we out here drunk on oppression. How can one be clean surrounded by filth? We instead consciously choose to surround ourselves with those who are willing to learn in public as we raise the bar of equity. We ask, "What would you tell future equity advocates how to do it differently?" Best now is a list in the order we shared:

• Respect the minds of young people. Respect the family and don't be grateful for scraps (wow, 3-day weekend...)
• Have your go-to people, we need synergy. Don't fear job loss, you will find another: new ideas, new places.
• Be unapologetic in expression, feel your emotions as you call it out.
• Equity is a relay race, education is lifelong. Take joy in your identity, and take a break!
• It's a marathon, you are not alone and we need you whole. Demand, expect, institutionalize and do that from any seat.
• White supremacy was more entrenched than we thought, and we almost gave up. But how fast it unraveled, oh the tipping point!
• I wasted no time entrenched in the bowels of cynicism, it had value. And, I believe it's not going to be this way in the future. Shame will not help us change.
• Find your tribe! Celebrate! Vent! And lots of self care.
• Be kind to yourself, no one can solve it all: It's why we have each other.

It's so hard to not sound cliché when talking about love. Why? In English, emotions and relationship concepts are limited to one dimensional words. In reality, love exists in many expressions and relationships: Love of another's humanity. Love of a friend. The love of a child. Of a dear pet. Love of work, love of the struggle...How do we normalize the role of L.O.V.E. in our working-with-equity lives? What does it entail - to love unconditionally? Come, let's talk love and receive your own flowers of gratitude. If you are capable of love, you too deserve love. Let us together understand what that love means to you. 
​March 1, 2022 Learning by Julia
We begin with a dedication to the artists and musicians for reminding us, through all time and space, of the power of love.  Not only that fairy tale, romantic, best friends for life, kinda love that exists on every channel, but also that kinda love that gets us through. Love that challenges us to grow. We remember the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. in his power. We read, "[P]ower without love is reckless. And love without power is sentimental. In other words power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice. And justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love..." So of course we ask, "Where do you see power and love intersecting in your life?"
We begin our 2.5 hour single answer by inviting the power of silence. The breathe holds and releases, and we find love in design. Imagine designing everything in love! In this design, we find ample room for all histories, without first weighing value compared to... ALL of our ancestors stories tell us how to love better in the now; resilience, and how to protect our children from us passing along harmful ways.
Us experiencing these same harmful ways as those before us, we rebel and love when we should be 'professional'. We weigh our words: they have power. We respect our positions of influence, as we wanted our oppressors to understand: power without love is reckless. "We must not worry about using the word Power..." (MLK) At all levels of title, we speak to the elephant in the room, and are thanked for it. With this, we practice answering with confidence, "How did you use your power?"
Sometimes, that power is simply the ability to love self. In equity advocacy, we advocate for self as a form of love of community. We give permission to self, "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!" We don't hurt ourselves for others comfort, instead we advocate for celebration of self with vigor. When surrounded by those not capable of the celebration of Me, of what I know and where I've been, I heavy sigh. Patience for theft of my soul body no longer exists, "Fuck it. Imma love you in all the hard ways." Because, you can't steal what is given freely. 
Down to the cellular level of existence, we are never without love. The capacity to love exists in infinite measure, we are ALL made of stardust! Love exists in the transmission of knowledge, in the sharing and honoring of power, in the "It feels good to not feel small."
We leave the second round to self: Name yo mantra. Mine? "I love myself. I know my worth. And, no one can take that from me." Mind-muscle-memory, activate! Practice.
In the name of rebalancing power in favor of love, next month we continue the learning with, "Yeah, I Said it: DEI is Dead." Stay in tune. 

​Our right to access our own humanity exists in all spaces: in organizing, advocating, working, enjoying, living. We have more than a right to exist, we have a birthright of dignity, grace, growth. In spaces challenged by lack of empathy, racism, sexism, ableism, dehumanization we shall no longer suffer! In this last year of listening circles, we listened as we redefine professionalism, speak of truth and grace, trust our intuition...What have you learned about your own right to humanity last year? Let us name in totality our abilities to invoke dignity and growth in ALL spaces.
​February 7, 2022 Learning by Julia 
OK. So here's what happened. As usual, I began our circle with a land acknowledgement, a word from someone else, and a dedication of my learning. As I prepared for this circle, nothing I could have done would have adequately prepared me for the result of dedicating my learning to myself. I dedicated my learning of calling upon our humanity to Julia of years past: the Julia who regretted not saying something when something needed to be said, to the Julia who thought it was my fault, who simply didn't have the practice of living in her power. I dedicated my learning to the Julia now who freely walks the planet in her agency and self-love. It was a journey and I look forward to where I go next. 
What I didn't expect was interruption after my dedication to self. An interruption of the best kind. "Excuse me, Julia. I can't let this opportunity pass to let you know..." Then, a flood of love. I was thanked for my (B)rilliance, my ability to make a virtual space that is spiritually satisfying, a truly safe place to listen and be heard. I am an inspiration to others and others' others. Instead of introducing our circle topic, I listened again and again in tears to those who know me and love me. I GOT MY FLOWERS, and while I'm still alive I witnessed the ripple effect of my own love on the world. To all those who shared your love of me with me, I thank you for your public shower of gratitude for my work and life. Thank you.
I was so shook, I can't even understand my notes. All I know is that sometimes, we don't have the capacity to interrupt. We numb ourselves, self-induced fog to escape the reality of weight. Sometimes, we navigate the fog-spells cast and that's enough. (i.e. "Not my problem!"). We intellectualize, and contribute to the fog that society makes so easy. When our (Black diaspora) humanity is at question, the starting point is at times irreconcilable. Therefore, we invoke humanity in large and small ways. We find alternatives that meet our needs (yo - sage scented oil diffuser is Fire Department friendly!), we recognize the role of capitalism (consequences/employment) and find courage to leave or lead when needed. What I learned so intimately though in this time together, is the power of spoken love. The easiest avenue of humanity to call upon is appreciation. "I see you, I appreciate you, I love you." are the most powerful of all spells. 
Next month, we continue with "Normalizing Love", stay in tune.

​What brings us joy, in so many of its manifestations, stems from the ability to trust our gut, to listen to our intuition. Sure, it may not be right all the time, but it's always right in making us consider. We invite your power of observation, your practiced discernment, and connection to the straight up mystical to join us as we share. By first listening to and believing our own selves, together let's invite better ways to embrace the future.
​
December 15, 2021 Learning by Julia
We begin with an acknowledgement of the earth's ability to hold us all: at this very moment how many babies are born? We tamper our awareness, only powers bigger than one can hold us all, all the time. And, in a world where intuition is not valued, our very connection to our inner voice has been silenced, why? For whose benefit? Scientific discovery uses intuition; science says, "I bet...", "I have a feeling this will work..." Why not our feelings? We use terms like ESP, gut feeling, 6th sense, women's intuition, instinct. There is an unseen element in our decision making in which we have been taught to not trust. To address this disconnection, we start by asking simply, "What is your relationship with intuition?" 
First, we acknowledge that we too often don't follow our intuition, rather we listen to others and are confused. We turn to our dreams for answers and interpret symbols. And when we do listen to the unseen, we follow our gut and get in the car, buy that sympathy card for no reason, and drive to the mountain only to discover why. We welcome voices of those with no earthly body - our timeless blood speaks to us. Yet, whose ancestors? Their voices are confused with ones of toxic masculinity, racism, sexism - how to trust this loving voice when it's tainted with our current noise? To answer, we dance to find pure expression; using the body as a conduit for the unseen. When we listen to our bodies as it dances with intuition, we know when to move, to stay. And when to go. 
Just as a product designer highlights the intuitive nature of an object, let us value intuition with the same fervor. Let us follow our instinct of the most natural order: deferring to a white man is not it. And, let's throw in an element of spontaneity - the word alone is enough sometimes. We are guided by a power greater than ourselves, and for this we lean on spirituality and faith. Faith in our ancestral knowledge to guide us with love and compassion, they being freed from the earthly bounds of racism, sexism, and oppression. They want their descendants to succeed.
We return after break to ask, "Where is intuition in the future?" We say: It's in our bravery, it's taking the advice we so lovingly give others, it's in the trust of our ability to read others. Intuition shall transform into a conduit, a portal from one to the next, that values psychic safety. We inherit joy just as we do trauma, we don't need to explain everything for it to be true. We shall let life unfold, pause longer, be more gentle and kind with ourselves so we may offer others the same. We hone the gift. 
Next month, we continue with "Invoking Our Humanity". Stay in tune. 

Given the inhumane conditions in which we are asked to use our imaginations while surviving, we chose to first say: "I am capable of joy." Yes, trauma created our one shared identity as "those whose safety is perpetually at risk", yet we are so much more, capable of so much more. The future demands that we understand now our own ability to hold and grow. Therefore, let's celebrate ourselves: Who better to lead us into the future than those who know both suffering AND joy? Join us.


November 2, 2021 Learning by Julia
With our land acknowledgment, we remember our part in the design: our very bodies are designed for connection. Our hands clasp with perfect measure, our hearts touch in synchrony as we embrace. We are connected to each other, and the earth. And what a source of joy, this earth, and each other. 

Sometimes definitions of simple words, through life, become default such as "joy". We read poetry (Hafiz, "Tired of Speaking Sweetly"). We remember music (Beethoven's 9th Symphony, "Ode to Joy"). We read great thinkers (adrienne maree brown, "Emergent Strategy"). The opportunity for joy is complex, and simple... 

We pause long enough to examine again, since we first defined so many years ago, "What is joy exactly? Where does it come from?" In this now, joy feels like borrowed time, relating itself to the ability for spontaneity and openness to taking risks. Go do that thing! Joy is in our bodies; the simple act of appreciating the warmth of the water as we wash our hands, taking shoes off after a journey. Joy is complicated in its simplicity: a chasing of the ecstatic, what is that but simply being fully present? To recognize we can feeeeeel something at any time (miracle!) we invite joy as a form of resistance. We are determined to find joy in grief. 
Being called loving names by babies on a difficult day: Joy.
Anita Baker in the car on high blast: Joy.
Dancing and bobbing: Joy. 
Joy abounds.
We return from break to ask, "How will you protect your joy in the coming month?" We shall do what nourishes us, we shall carve out (yes! carve out) time for our spontaneity. We shall not censor ourselves, and. We shall be aware of our environment and not choose suspicion first. We say "unbothered" with a smile; no rent shall be accepted for space not theirs. We acknowledge joy with the same fervor as we do challenge. We shall start our days with reading, quiet, music, dancing in the car, and continue our day with knowing prayer. We follow our intuition and find joy in the simple pleasures: glitter, hearing "Yes, you're absolutely right!", advocating for self, and being ok with not doing anything else but inviting joy. Listen to yourself, you do know joy. 
Next month, we invite our intuition to the table, stay in tune.